Cry Freedom
Sometimes when I’m falling asleep, lying in the comfort of my bed and soft, cotton sheets, I am struck with the following thought: What if my life were such that I knew when I woke up in the morning, the day would not be mine to shape as I see fit? No decision involving my body, my mind, my opinions, or my future would belong to me, but rather, to another human being, establishment or government. The most basic level of physical care, if I were fortunate enough to receive it at all, would only for the purpose of keeping me alive and strong enough to meet someone else’s need, until I was no longer needed at all. Tomorrow, and every day thereafter, would involve a battle between my emotions telling me I am a thinking, rational, sentient being who can and should be in control of my destiny, and my intellect, forcing me to deny such thoughts and bury them deep within a psychological prison so as to get through my existence and avoid greater abuse.
It is beyond my comprehension.
I don’t know why I sometimes have these thoughts, but it’s as if I am trying to remind myself that the life I have is a gift, a treasure, a wonder. I am a free person.
The occasions when I’ve grieved, felt lost or alienated, or experienced financial difficulty have been similar to the kinds of challenges that most people I know have faced at one point or another. Human beings grieve, feel lonely, and struggle with a plethora of life events and experiences, and these are the kind of emotional and situational circumstances which are not insurmountable with the help of therapy, exercise, personal networks, financial assistance, medication or just the passing of time. Challenging times are what make the joyful experiences so much more poignant and cherished.
Certainly, there are far too many people whose adversity is more extreme than anything I’ve experienced, and even those individuals may experience joy from time to time. But the kind of life where experiencing joy is rare, if even possible, seems like the most torturous existence imaginable. Maybe what I’m calling joy, in a life such as that, would actually be just a small reprieve from suffering: a cool breeze blowing across one’s face when the summer sun exacts rage on unprotected skin or the embrace from another imprisoned, enslaved, diseased or dying human being. What joys could a slave in the Antebellum South or a Jew in a German or Polish concentration camp have known when their lives hinged on the merciless decisions of those in control? Can a person experience joy when her life is devoid of freedom?
I suppose in those moments when I try to imagine powerlessness in the agency of my life, I am recognizing how much I appreciate – no, revere – freedom. And, though I can recognize what being a free person means, I cannot possibly imagine what being without it would feel like. Nor could most people.
In this country, we have heard the word freedom bandied about recently, as if it can so easily be stripped merely by imposing an inconvenience or modification in our everyday lives, or by asking that we take advantage of the fortune of medical science for the greater good. The privilege of living in the United States and enjoying our various freedoms does not come without limitations – something which many people seem to have forgotten of late.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines freedom as “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint” or “the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved”. At its most basic level, freedom allows for the possibility that we may experience joy rather than the assurance that we will only know suffering. I suppose that is why I am offended when I hear the rageful cries of those who claim that they are being stripped of their freedom; such indignation devalues the weight of the word itself.
I hope that I will always have humility in the face of what freedom is at its core, with reverence for that freedom in every decision I make, large or small. I’d like to believe that I will always make sacrifices or forgo my conveniences when I believe that my larger community will benefit. Lastly, I will try to never conflate liberty and entitlement. The former is the privilege to act as one pleases, while the latter the belief that one is inherently deserving of it.
